all-state

so i'm really jealous of keith... i wanted to make all-state so bad. i know i bitch about it a lot, but i've never wanted anything so bad... ever... even when i lived with karen. that means a lot. it may mean that my priorities are outta whack, but that's how they are. well, tomorrow i get to go see the concert, but it won't be the same. i dunno, call me ungrateful, but i just wanted it so bad. i mean all i do is music. i have no other life, and i love that about me. so, when you devote all of your time and life to something and then you don't get it, it just hurts really bad. it's almost like a relationship.... you put time, and effort into it all of the time... it becomes the center of your world, things get scheduled around it, your life is incomplete with its absence... and then, you break up... or don't make an audition... call me obsessed or bitter... that's fine.... i am... i almost think that it would be better if i never made pre-area auditions... then i couldn't have made area and built my hopes up so much... and i'm really not this ungrateful, i'm very proud that i made it this far, it's just that i'm disappointed... i feel as if i let myself down... well... i'm done now... i know the concert tomorrow will be good... i'm going with mr. and mrs. masterson. congrats goes out to keith and stephanie once again... oh... hey guys! we're on TV!!! something like the gvtc channel... i dunno... someone told me... that's cool!