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i feel like an animal in the zoo. i feel as if i am being watched. somewhere out there, there is a more intelligent being, an animal itself, as we are, yet more intelligent than all human intellect combined. as humans watch apes, we record their actions and we ask ourselves: why do they do that? such as, when chimps pick bugs off of each other. we figure it's for sanitary purposes. when you invade on an ape's privacy, they attack. humans do the same things. we shower. why? to clean ourselves. we do things that make no sense though... do other animals do this as well? and in our assumption of being the supreme beings, what if other animals do things, and we just assign reasons, though we really don't know... what if apes picking bugs off of each other is like biting your finger nails? or going to the grocery store... it is a quick, easy snack and all... so my question is: does everything happen for a reason? through out my life people have told me this. but, i beg to differ. for example: my mother died when i was six. please, give me a good reason why that happened. and don't even think about telling me it's because it teaches me a "life lesson", because that's a bunch of bull... to be nice. ;) i lived (and almost died) with an abusive step mother and my father. i went days without eating or drinking anything. i peed in a bucket in my room because i wasn't allowed to leave me room... for anything. i was mentally and physically abused on a daily basis. but, for what reason? oh... yeah... it was god's will... NOT... why did all of this happen? why did all of this happen TO ME? i guess that's my question... i want to know what's out there. i feel like i'm being tested. is there another life after this? is this prep for the next level? is this just the first half? i want to know all of these questions... i just want to know what is out there controlling me. so after you read this (if you got this far) go on about the rest of your week not asking why, but what?